"Sojourner Project An Abused Women's Shelter in Hopkins Minnesota Abuses African American Women. After leaving several voice mails, below is the letter I wrote to the Executive Director.
To date she has yet to respond to any of my concerns.
On Tuesday, January 31, 2017, I attended a required domestic violence support group offered by your shelter. As a group, we were instructed to discuss the topic “emotional abuse.” We each took turns reading the literature provided by Angela, the group facilitator. When I gave my definition of emotional abuse using examples from my childhood, I noticed Candace, a newer resident, immediately got up from her chair. She excused herself and said she needed to go to the bathroom. As Candace was leaving, Angela the group facilitator, interrupted me as I was speaking and said, “I thought I was clear when I instructed the group not to discuss anything that goes on in this shelter?” We all stared but no one said anything noticing that Angela was very angry. Knowing Angela’s question was directed at me since I was the first to speak on the topic, I tried to explain my response but Angela kept interrupting me. I kept saying let me finish. Would you please let me finish? I felt like Angela was attacking me and I so, I thought it was important that Angela understood my comments were NOT about anyone living in the shelter and that I was explaining the emotional abuse I experienced as a child with my very strict father.
I was embarrassed and I felt humiliated with Angela insisting my input was inappropriate. As I continued trying to explain my responses, Angela became angrier and she asked me to leave the group. Shocked at Angela’s demeanor, I said why should I have to leave for expressing how I feel and as a group facilitator, you are acting very unprofessional! I felt I had a right to explain my responses because Angela kept implying that my comments were about people in the shelter. The more I tried explaining myself, the more the situation escalated with Angela making me feel like a complete idiot! Finally, I realized Angela was not interested in my explanations so livid and almost in tears, I left the room.
After leaving the group session, I went to the office to talk with Lisa, the grievance staff member. When I arrived in the office area, the staff volunteer informed me that Lisa was not available because she was in a meeting with Candace. So, I explained to the volunteer in a rather loud voice that I needed to talk with Lisa because I was upset over the way Angela attacked my input in front of everyone in the group session which I felt was unprofessional in what was supposed to be a "support" group!
Moments later, Lisa came out of her office and I assumed she heard me talking to the volunteer because when she exited her office, she too was rude to me. When I told Lisa, I needed to talk with her as soon as she had time, Lisa’s responded, “I can’t talk with you right now. I can only take so much in a day. I will talk with you about this tomorrow.” Having no idea as to why Lisa was rude and condescending towards me, I went to my room since it was obvious to me Lisa was not interested in talking with me.
On Wednesday, February 1, 2017, Lisa called me into her office where my advocate was also present. At the beginning of the meeting, Lisa said she, “received complaints about me and that she wanted to hear my side of the story.” As I was confused as to what “story” Lisa was referring to, I said I am not aware of any complaints from anyone since my arrival here 14 days ago, Lisa then asked me, “Did Angela ask you to leave the group session yesterday?” I said yes, she did ask me to leave and for reasons that I still don’t fully understand! Next, I told Lisa I don’t know what is going on but if I have offended you in some way, I want to apologize to you and Angela also regarding yesterday’s disagreement during the group session.
Time is a kind friend. The evening before my last meeting with Lisa, I reflected on my behavior during the group session. I reminded myself of the axiom: 10% of disagreements are over the subject matter while 90% of disagreements are a result of the wrong tone of voice which was, what I was taught as part of my National Behavioral Mental Health first aid certification. As I sat listening to Lisa, I thought to myself on how I could have handled the situation better and that I should not have gotten angry and I should not have been adamant in trying to explain to Angela that my comments had nothing to do with anyone living in the shelter. I also thought that Angela, as a group facilitator in a shelter for abused women could have also handled the situation better considering many women who find themselves in shelters as the Sojourner Project, are often poor decision makers and I felt getting angry with Angela during the group session exemplified a poor decision on my part.
The next discussion during the meeting between me, Lisa and my advocate was when Lisa informed me that I had been “picking on Candace!” Livid, at the accusation but knowing the importance of remaining calm, I decided at that juncture not to even try to defend myself on what I considered to be nonsense with zero merit! So, to follow shelter procedure, I requested mediation. Lisa denied my request without further comment. So, I made a mental noted that Lisa’s assertion that I was “picking on Candace” along with other “complaints” Lisa said she received regarding my conduct, did not include details as to; who, what, and when regarding the “complaints.” Therefore, I felt I was being denied the right to face my accuser(s). People can say anything; accusations are just that, and accusations need to be vigorously investigated and discussed separately and then collectively to learn the facts (mediation) to assure all parties in disputes are treated fairly. I was totally in the dark as to the specifics of the so called “complaints” Lisa referred to. Our meeting ended with Lisa telling me that I was under the radar but that she would reconsider the matter and get back with me.
On Thursday, February 2, 2017, around noon, Lisa called me into her office and told me “you are to vacate these premises in 24 hours. You have until tomorrow at 1:00 p.m. to leave this facility and so, you need to start looking for other available shelters. I respond what? Why am I being put out? I added I assume this is because of the disagreement I had with Angela, right? Lisa then said I’m not going there with you. So, I said this is not right by any standard of fairness and I would like to meet with the Director to get to the bottom of this. Lisa, said the Director is not available and that I would be wasting my time since everything goes through her and meeting with the Director was not going to change her decision. I then asked for the Directors email address which Lisa refused to give to me.
Since I had heard the rumors from other residents that African Americans are put out of the Sojourner shelter at a drop of the hat, I insisted on talking with the Director, especially since I had no place to go on such short notice with a sick baby and a special needs daughter. Nervous with a splitting headache at being put out of the shelter in mid-winter with no place to go, I told Lisa fine, with the way you people run this operation it is probably not a good fit for African Americans! Next, I said the only think I ask is that you allow me more time to find another shelter. Realizing I was being railroaded and my request for more time fell on death ears, I immediately left the office and went to my room.
I sat in my room trying to make some sense of the situation. I reflected on the last several days since Candace arrived at the shelter. I understood the disagreement with Angela, the group facilitator and although I was still angry with Angela’s behavior during the group session, I felt I had been respectful towards her under very trying circumstances. On the other hand, I thought the accusation made by Lisa that I had been “picking on Candace” was quite a stretch! As I reflected on Candace, I just didn’t get it! The only issue with Candace was on pass the sugar which I felt was something close to nothing!
Candace and I were in the dining room having breakfast, as I sat feeding my baby, Candace reached across me and quickly grabbed the sugar. She missed elbowing me in the head by a few inches which I thought was rather rude and so I started laughing and said to Candace,
“Sure, you can have the sugar.” About 5 minutes later, Angela came to the dining room and said she need to see me in the office right away where she accused me of “picking on Candace.”
I told Angela the two days that Candace has been in this shelter, I have only engaged in small talk with her. I told Candace how cute her little boy was as she sung Happy Birthday to him…I further explained to Angela that the only other encounter I had with Candace was shortly before she called me into the office. Perhaps because I started laughing over pass the sugar, a molehill was now a mountain. I told Angela this is silly thinking if anyone would understand surely Angela would since she is also African American. Amused over the incident, I explained to Angela why I laughed over the sugar incident. I told Angela how I thought Candace has probably not been around many African Americans and apparently, Candace did not know that we don’t bite and I gave the incident no further thought and I am now in your office over what I consider to be trivia.
While explaining my interactions with Candace to Angela, Carolyn another African American living in the shelter interrupted our conversation. Carolyn said, “Why have I been called in here? I know nothing about any sugar. I have had no contact with Candace since I asked you guys to change my room and I can NOT be put out of here! I just can’t have you put me out because I have no place else to go!” Seeing how upset Carolyn was, Angela asked Carolyn "who said you are going to be put out?" Carolyn replied; Candace told me during the incident she and I had when I asked you guys to change my roommate that you guys are going to put me out. Carolyn then added, I have not been picking on Candace. What you guy should be concern with is the bag of weed Candace has in her purse. Angela then asked Carolyn, how do you know
this? Carolyn said because during the two days when Candace and I were roommates, I saw her take it out of her purse.
Later that evening, I met with Rachel another advocate who works at the shelter. Rachel was kind and helpful towards me but in talking with her, it was obvious I would be put out of the shelter at the 1:00 p.m. deadline. I say this because Rachel was busy looking for other shelters for me. While Rachel and I talked, I asked Rachael what’s with it with Candace? Candace’s behavior is weird. Rachel then explained to me that “Candace doesn’t feel “safe” around you.”
Her comment made me reflect on the sugar incident. Also, at that moment, it became clear to me why Candace left the group session in a hurry. Candace did not leave to go to the bathroom.
She went to the office to see Lisa to complain about some imaginary notion that I was “picking on her.” At that moment, it was also clear why Angela insisted that I stop talking about my abusive experiences with my father. I realized after talking to Rachel my comments during the group session upset Candace which was the reason Angela was short and abrasive with me. My anger started to surface again when I recalled as a member of a “support” group, Angela’s was only concern with Candace’s feelings to hell with my feelings.
I have not been treated fairly by several of your employees and Candace has issues. However, her issues should not be at the expense of me and my two daughters. I will leave your shelter due to the horror stories on how African Americans are not welcomed at Sojourner Project and how Lisa as the helm, would prefer that African Americans find accommodations elsewhere and how upset Carolyn was at the thought of being put out. My problem—I need more time to get out. So, a response to this letter at your earliest convenience is appreciated. Thank you.
Follow-Up: The executive Director never contacted me and so my two girls and I spent the week-end at a truck stop where we slept in my car. I couldn't go to any of my family members to stay for fear my abuser might show up. He had already threaten to kill me for filing a child support order with the Minnesota Office of the Attorney General. The thought of staying in a shelter for abused women and being emotionally abused by the facilitators is quite ironic.
Frantic over the incident, I refused to leave for two reasons, I had no place to go and Sojourner Project refused to give me any documentation as to why I was being put out. True to form, when I refused to leave, Lisa the "grievance" staff member called the local police and my two girls and I were put out. However, with the police on the scene, I finally was presented with a written statement from Lisa as to why I was asked to leave. The letter said, resident has been terminated with no further explanation. With so little information provide, Sojourner Project when discussing the matter with other shelters would subsequently, be able to fill in the blanks regarding my "termination" however they chose with no clue as to what really happened.
Regarding a resolution: When residents are released from such facilities they should receive a detailed written statement as to WHY they had been asked to leave. In short, the current situation of throwing women without providing the resident with documented evidence of disruptive behavior or a reason for the "termination" is a willful attempt to avoid accountability.
As a final note, please publish my unpleasant saga regarding the Sojourner Project's shelter for abused women publicly as the first step in addressing how I was treated. African American women need to know that if they find themselves needing a shelter for abused women, they should avoid Sojourner Project Inc. for assistance.
Currently there are other African Americans living in that shelter and they are panic stricken of being put out at the drop of the hat. If you go to the Sojourner Project website one has the impression the facility is a warm, caring and nurturing facility. Nothing could be farther from the truth if you are the wrong color. The fact of the matter, Sojourner Project are wolves in sheep clothing and a disgrace to women of color and Sojourner Truth's mission statements.
There is not much I can do about my horrible experience during my brief stay at the Sojourner Project. However, what I will do is give constructive notice to entities who might care how I was treated. More importantly, my objective is to warn other shelters to take what they are told as the reason Sojourner Project residents are terminated (especially women of color) with a grain of salt as the Sojourner Project is very clever in giving the impression that residents involved in minor disagreements are asked to leave for disruptive behavior!"